04/16/10 Tampa, Florida – To show you how prescient I am, I had earlier written a column about how I was horrified at the thought that Janet Yellen – currently running the San Francisco, California, Fed Bank into the ground – would become vice-chairman of the Federal Reserve, mostly because I am repelled by her ridiculous brand of economics, an opinion borne out by how she has been consistently wrong all these years until, well, just look around you. And at California!
I had, however, deleted it, mostly because it was just a long string of obscenities about how much this buffoonish woman horrifies me and how her low-IQ, neo-Keynesian econometric quackery is what got us into our perilous economic shape.
The Wall Street Journal, of course, did not report “The Mogambo is horrified by Janet Yellen, and compares her to Satan, or a foul demon from hell, who is destroying the dollar with evil lunacy by agreeing that the Fed should create So Damned Many (SDM) of them, and when told that this was impossible because Satan was a man and Janet Yellen was a woman, said, ‘Maybe Janet Yellen is actually a man, making it all the more weird! Can’t you see that, you morons?”
The WSJ did, however, report her as saying, “When unemployment is so high, wages and incomes tend to rise slowly, and producers and retailers have a hard time raising prices”, which is pretty weird for her to say, as, for one reason, it completely disregards the possibility of productivity gains for the business, which would explain how the business could easily make more money despite not raising prices.
And for another reason, it makes a mockery of the stated mission of the Fed when she actually, literally, advocates for higher prices, which is the Exact Freaking Opposite (EFO) of the Fed’s Congressionally-mandated mission, which is to maintain the value of the dollar, which is such an outrage that it is a FRESH outrage that this horrible, horrible woman is to have anything to do with anything, much less become vice-chair of the Fed! Gaaahhh!
And it is not like she doesn’t know! I mean, I remember like it was yesterday that I called her office, whereupon the receptionist asked, “How may I help you?” and I remember that I politely informed her, “I want to speak with that idiot Janet Yellen, so that I can tell her right to her stupid face that she is full of stupid crap, and then maybe she would stop sounding and acting so stupid all the time.”
The receptionist sweetly said to me, “Just one moment, please” and put me on hold.
Fortunately, those hours spent “on hold” allowed me to have a brainstorm. I figured that if I could get this receptionist to admit that Janet Yellen actually smells, I could get this little blurb into some real news media, and maybe important people would notice me and say, “Hey! This Mogambo guy is pretty good! Let me offer him a fabulous job with a fabulous salary and fabulous benefit package right away!”
So, excited with my new Fabulous Mogambo Plan (FMP) to get the international recognition as “Mogambo, Ace Reporter” that I think I deserve, and the sudden wealth that I want, I am all set to ask the receptionist, all nonchalant and cool, like I am just, you know, shooting the breeze, “So tell me… I say that Janet Yellen is so full of crap that I’ll bet she stinks as a result. Or maybe she is so stupid that she forgets to wash her own nasty butt, and that is why she smells! Hahaha! So, tell me the truth; just between us, does she smell bad, or does her office smell funny to you?”
Well, because of what I assume is some technological problem, or sunspot activity, or the FBI spying on me, or goons of the repellent Obama administration harassing me, the phone connection was unexpectedly broken, and my question about the odiferous pungency of Ms. Yellen was never, you notice, really answered, although I think it would have been “yes” which is what I am putting down on in my report because that is just the kind of hateful-yet-desperate guy I am.
And just to make sure that you truly understand that the detestable and ridiculous Ms. Yellen has been wrong about everything, she said, and I quote, “underlying inflation pressures are already very low and trending downward.”
And please write it down that The Fabulous Mogambo (TFM) laughed, not with that tinkling and joyous laugh of his that makes you think of music, but with an ugly, scornful, contemptuous and hateful laugh of sheer disgust, and who said, in direct contradiction to the repellent Ms. Yellen, “Inflation pressures are high and trending higher, and will keep going higher all the rest of your pathetic life, because that is how long the despicable Federal Reserve is going to be creating more money, more money, more money, money in the untold trillions, so that the federal government can take over the entire country, and that is why it is imperative that you buy as much gold, silver and oil that you can in a frantic, desperate attempt to defend yourself against the ruinous inflation that will be caused by so much deficit-spending and so much inflation in money supplies, literally at the behest of the governments and central banks of the world, all of whom are apparently stuffed with people like, I am horrified to say, Ms. Yellen, or they wouldn’t have acted so stupidly to get into this fix, or act so stupidly now to try to get out of it.”
Whew! I’m exhausted. I have hardly the strength left to write a scathing letter The Wall Street Journal and complain about how they are censoring the Message Of The Mogambo (MOTM) about Ms. Yellen.
Let’s see; how to start out? How about “Dear Scumbags…”
The Mogambo Guru
for The Daily Reckoning
The Mogambo Guru
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning , and other fine publications. For podcasts featuring the Mogambo, click here.
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…after having mastered cupcakes in her easy-bake oven at a tender legal age, janet yollen (B-A-K-I-N-G luminary) decided on a career in banking…after all, she already knew her A thru K’s, what’s another three letters…!…some say she rose so quickly through the ranks in the financial world as to be out of her element as vice-chairman of the Federal Reserve while some claim that her true talent has always been cooking books and that her cupcakes were not only edible, but legible too…
holy carp, mogu! you get better and better. glad you back!
Trillions? Big deal. We have a LONG way (at least months) to go. Zimbabwe was rapidly printing $100 Trillion reserve bank notes EVERY DAY (I have one on my wall to prove it – and remind me of where we are heading) just to buy bread, before THEIR currency finally collapsed.
Unfortunately OUR notes are not keeping up. In 1920 a car cost as little as $250 and you could pay for it with a single $500 FRN out of your pocket. Nowadays a new car is around $20,000 and there IS NO $50,000 note to use to pay for it. What’s with that?! What WILL happen when it costs just $1million for a loaf of bread? Do you know how much $1million in $100 bills weighs? About 22 lbs. That’s over 100 lbs in $20′s. Invest in wheelbarrows NOW!
The government stopped printing $1000 bills supposedly to stop drug dealing and under the table business that they can’t electronically spy on…by the way, what comes after a trillion?
US really needs plenty of money. To be influential.. to be the only superpower..
to meddle with others’ internal affair.. to maintain huge fleet. All these mean money. In a way, Alan Greenspan did produced the huge sum for the satisfaction of the US. At that time nobody made any complaint against him. In fact all supported him as a financial genius. When things turned sour, the focus is on him. Haha ! nothing is permanent in this world. life is onnly an illusion.
Yes, big small eye … Where do you get the money to produce more than 10,000 pieces of nuclear explosive. Money ! Alan Greenspan did a good contribution. My god ! Why to you need so many 10,000 warheads, and yet you dare not use a single of them ? The huge 7th fleet, sailing up and down the high sea, just for fun and to waste Alan’s financial creation. If you sharpen knife daily, the intention must be to detach others’ head. Am I right ?
Maintenance is high on 10,000 pieces of nuclear fire crackers. If you leave them unattended, the outer surface may turn rusty, in turn the internal reactant could be activated, causing self explosion even before the crackers are fired. Inflicting self injuries. To apply a new coat of paint on the surface, alone, will cost an enormous sum. What a waste !
Whether drug dealing was reduced by eliminating the $1000 bill is debatable. It will, however, certainly be increased due to inflation. That’s because drugs, alcohol, etc. are commodities. What happens to the value of commodities during rampant inflation?
(As a resident of southwestern PA, it was clear that one aspect of the Whiskey Rebellion was that citizens used whiskey as a sort of “money.” Divisible, relatively inert and with some value. Just like today, governments don’t like an independent citizenry with their own money. Unless they get their cut.)
What comes after a trillion? As the US enters the “Zimbabwe Zone”, probably a fifth of whiskey. It should cost about 1000 trillion by then.