Bernanke Admits Truth About Money, it's Just Scraps of Paper

The Onion has just released the defining story of the 21st century… money is in fact nothing more than worthless scraps of paper. The realization came about at a recent Bernanke testimony before Congress.

According to the Onion:

“What began as a routine report before the Senate Finance Committee Tuesday ended with Bernanke passionately disavowing the entire concept of currency, and negating in an instant the very foundation of the world’s largest economy.
“‘Though raising interest rates is unlikely at the moment, the Fed will of course act appropriately if we…if we…’ said Bernanke, who then paused for a moment, looked down at his prepared statement, and shook his head in utter disbelief. ‘You know what? It doesn’t matter. None of this—this so-called ‘money’—really matters at all.’

“‘It’s just an illusion,’ a wide-eyed Bernanke added as he removed bills from his wallet and slowly spread them out before him. ‘Just look at it: Meaningless pieces of paper with numbers printed on them. Worthless.'”

Clearly, then panic ensued. Read all the details about the response of Congress, Obama, and the American people in the Onion’s coverage of how the US economy grinds to halt as the nation realizes that money is just a mutually shared illusion.