Breakfast was a real drag, as the kids were whining more loudly than usual about money, and how they needed some money, and how they didn’t have any money, and how they were the only people they knew that were not dripping with cell phones and iPods and reader tablets and all that stuff, like this was supposed to make me rush out and buy them these things so that I don’t damage their fragile self-esteem and ability to make friends, so that they can call and text each other all day and night about how much they hate me, and hatch their little plans to put poison in my food or something; you never know with kids, you know what I mean?
Anyway, I said, my mouth full of fabulous fried eggs and crispy bacon (instead of the usual fruit and whole-grain cereals with no-fat milk crap I usually have to eat, because my wife was out of town), “You brats can have the biggest, baddest electronic gizmos made. You can have so many of the freaking things, in fact, that you will need a cart to carry them all around. Just get jobs and then use the money to buy them, like everybody else, ya little blood-sucking parasites!”
This is where my wife would usually intervene, chastising me for yelling at them and telling me to be quiet and consoling the kids. But (and this is the important point) she ain’t here now.
So, finally, I had the chance to, uninterruptedly, explain to what appear to be congenital idiots, for the thousandth time, how the horrible Federal Reserve creates excess money, see, which increases the money supply, which increases prices.
“This,” I explained, “is just the ‘prices side’ of the problem. Now let’s look at the ‘income side’ of the ledger. I don’t make any more money than I made three years ago. Something has got to give, and in this case, it is you. Simple as that!”
I naturally left out the ugly part about how I make the same money, and am lucky to get it, because I am lazy and incompetent, unless I want to pay attention to what I am doing, which I do in inverse relation to how well my golf game is going, like after that unexpected, beautiful, soaring 4-iron I hit last week!
Straight as an arrow flew the gleaming ball, shining in the sun, right at the flag, landing picturesquely perfectly on the green before rolling magnificently to 3 feet from the cup, which I then 3-putted for a bogie and happy to get it. But what a memory!
Back from my delightful reverie to the disagreeable pouting faces of the kids, they let me know that they still do not see the problem.
Suddenly, I hit upon the idea of explaining, “If I make $1,000 per day, but my expenses are $1,200 a day, and getting higher every day, where am I going to get money to buy you stuff?”
At this they started laughing at me, and mocking me, and saying, “You never made a thousand dollars a day in your life! And you never will, either, because you are stupid and mean and cheap and a terrible father who enjoys seeing his children suffer! Boo hoo hoo! Look at us suffer!”
The point was well taken, and I quickly rephrased that to “If I make $200 a day and my expenses are $220 a day, how long can I last?”
Again they started laughing in hooting derision, saying, “$200 a day? Don’t make us laugh, you liar!”
As a last resort, I resorted to the truth. I said, “Okay, if I make minimum wage of $7.25 an hour and I spend $8 an hour, how long can I continue before I am bankrupted and I have to send you kids to foster homes?” which thankfully diverted the conversation as to the pros and cons of that shocking happenstance, where I took the “pro” side.
I was happy not to have to explain it to them that I am using so much money to buy gold and silver as a desperate, frantic response to the price inflation that is guaranteed by the Federal Reserve creating such inflation in the money supply, especially by committing the Big Unholy Sin (BUS) of using freshly-created money to buy government debt.
Keeping from having to confront the kids about it is the hard part, because buying gold and silver is so easy that people say (fill in the blank).
If you answered, “Whee! This investing stuff is easy!” then congratulations! You are waaaAAAAaaaay ahead of the vast majority!
The Mogambo Guru
for The Daily Reckoning
Richard Daughty (Mogambo Guru) is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant Group, serving the financial and medical communities, and the writer/publisher of the Mogambo Guru economic newsletter, an avocational exercise to better heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve it. The Mogambo Guru is quoted frequently in Barron's, The Daily Reckoning , and other fine publications. For podcasts featuring the Mogambo, click here.
Funny while I was reading this tripe, my son walked up to my desk and asked me for a new cell phone. I told him he had to pull weeds and junk. But dad it’s a necessity. Where as I responded-how so? Like if I’m stuck somewhere all by myself, you know a survivor situation. And If I died cause I couldn’t call someone, you’d feel really guilty wouldn’t you? I thought fast and finished the conversation with a quick retort “I can always adopt.” My son knows that every extra penny, or as Obama would say- hope and “change” goes into buying $40.00 silver. That way if the worst happens and he does get stranded without a cellphone and uh… you know… that thing… happens to him, at least I will have made enough money to adopt some nice 20 something Russian swim suit model to suave my conscience during the obligatory bereavement period. I think he knows that, even without my explaining it to him. He’s agreed to pull weeds and stuff.
after i read that you’d clicked the 4 iron, i went for a nice chocolate bunny. i figure, “He dialed it in on a par 5 and tapped it in for his eagle!”
then , i came and read about 3-putting the par 3.
here! chocolate bunnies all around!
My son has been working since 14, washing dishes for a restaurant and mopping floors. He is 16 now. He has bought his own laptop,cell phone and ipod. He does ask for a ride to work occasionally, but what the heck, He dosen’t ask for much else. I have given articles on silver and I helped him start his own coin collection when he was about 6. I knew I had him on the right track when he asked for an NGC certified silver eagle for his birthday at 13, and has been his request every year since. He loves to email me the best picks from eBay, it’s like having my own researcher. Not sure what I’ll do when he graduates and leaves for college next year. Hope to still get the emails, but he will probaly find some girl and that will be that!
I can’t believe you’re eating whole-grain cereals with no-fat milk crap!!! You must be kidding??? Don’t you know about the Primal Diet??? Eating bacon is a part of the diet!!! Seriously! You’re eating the wrong stuff, just think of grains and no-fat milk as fiat Dollars!!!
Thanks for all your advice and encouragement in the past, please take mine.
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