Debasing the Dollar and Yellen About a Fed Policy
To show you how prescient I am, I had earlier written a column about how I was horrified at the thought that Janet Yellen – currently running the San Francisco, California, Fed Bank into the ground – would become vice-chairman of the Federal Reserve, mostly because I am repelled by her ridiculous brand of economics, an opinion borne out by how she has been consistently wrong all these years until, well, just look around you. And at California!
I had, however, deleted it, mostly because it was just a long string of obscenities about how much this buffoonish woman horrifies me and how her low-IQ, neo-Keynesian econometric quackery is what got us into our perilous economic shape.
The Wall Street Journal, of course, did not report “The Mogambo is horrified by Janet Yellen, and compares her to Satan, or a foul demon from hell, who is destroying the dollar with evil lunacy by agreeing that the Fed should create So Damned Many (SDM) of them, and when told that this was impossible because Satan was a man and Janet Yellen was a woman, said, ‘Maybe Janet Yellen is actually a man, making it all the more weird! Can’t you see that, you morons?”
The WSJ did, however, report her as saying, “When unemployment is so high, wages and incomes tend to rise slowly, and producers and retailers have a hard time raising prices”, which is pretty weird for her to say, as, for one reason, it completely disregards the possibility of productivity gains for the business, which would explain how the business could easily make more money despite not raising prices.
And for another reason, it makes a mockery of the stated mission of the Fed when she actually, literally, advocates for higher prices, which is the Exact Freaking Opposite (EFO) of the Fed’s Congressionally-mandated mission, which is to maintain the value of the dollar, which is such an outrage that it is a FRESH outrage that this horrible, horrible woman is to have anything to do with anything, much less become vice-chair of the Fed! Gaaahhh!
And it is not like she doesn’t know! I mean, I remember like it was yesterday that I called her office, whereupon the receptionist asked, “How may I help you?” and I remember that I politely informed her, “I want to speak with that idiot Janet Yellen, so that I can tell her right to her stupid face that she is full of stupid crap, and then maybe she would stop sounding and acting so stupid all the time.”
The receptionist sweetly said to me, “Just one moment, please” and put me on hold.
Fortunately, those hours spent “on hold” allowed me to have a brainstorm. I figured that if I could get this receptionist to admit that Janet Yellen actually smells, I could get this little blurb into some real news media, and maybe important people would notice me and say, “Hey! This Mogambo guy is pretty good! Let me offer him a fabulous job with a fabulous salary and fabulous benefit package right away!”
So, excited with my new Fabulous Mogambo Plan (FMP) to get the international recognition as “Mogambo, Ace Reporter” that I think I deserve, and the sudden wealth that I want, I am all set to ask the receptionist, all nonchalant and cool, like I am just, you know, shooting the breeze, “So tell me… I say that Janet Yellen is so full of crap that I’ll bet she stinks as a result. Or maybe she is so stupid that she forgets to wash her own nasty butt, and that is why she smells! Hahaha! So, tell me the truth; just between us, does she smell bad, or does her office smell funny to you?”
Well, because of what I assume is some technological problem, or sunspot activity, or the FBI spying on me, or goons of the repellent Obama administration harassing me, the phone connection was unexpectedly broken, and my question about the odiferous pungency of Ms. Yellen was never, you notice, really answered, although I think it would have been “yes” which is what I am putting down on in my report because that is just the kind of hateful-yet-desperate guy I am.
And just to make sure that you truly understand that the detestable and ridiculous Ms. Yellen has been wrong about everything, she said, and I quote, “underlying inflation pressures are already very low and trending downward.”
And please write it down that The Fabulous Mogambo (TFM) laughed, not with that tinkling and joyous laugh of his that makes you think of music, but with an ugly, scornful, contemptuous and hateful laugh of sheer disgust, and who said, in direct contradiction to the repellent Ms. Yellen, “Inflation pressures are high and trending higher, and will keep going higher all the rest of your pathetic life, because that is how long the despicable Federal Reserve is going to be creating more money, more money, more money, money in the untold trillions, so that the federal government can take over the entire country, and that is why it is imperative that you buy as much gold, silver and oil that you can in a frantic, desperate attempt to defend yourself against the ruinous inflation that will be caused by so much deficit-spending and so much inflation in money supplies, literally at the behest of the governments and central banks of the world, all of whom are apparently stuffed with people like, I am horrified to say, Ms. Yellen, or they wouldn’t have acted so stupidly to get into this fix, or act so stupidly now to try to get out of it.”
Whew! I’m exhausted. I have hardly the strength left to write a scathing letter The Wall Street Journal and complain about how they are censoring the Message Of The Mogambo (MOTM) about Ms. Yellen.
Let’s see; how to start out? How about “Dear Scumbags…”