Rising Federal Debt Found to Cause Intestinal Alien Syndrome

I was having breakfast with the family, and to keep from having to listen to their boring stories about their boring lives while I ate, I told them that I keep having a nightmare where a creature, not unlike in the movie Alien, is growing inside me, eating my guts out, and will soon burst out of my chest and proceed, I assume, to finishing eating what is left of me.

Naturally, everybody is immediately convinced that I am haunted by these bad dreams because I have so much guilt from being such a hateful, worthless failure as a father and human being, and that my best option is to buy a lot of life insurance and then die in such a way as to trigger the double indemnity clause, leaving a lot of money for my family with which to seek at least one moment of happiness in their sad, miserable lives.

Well, I told my daughter that I certainly did not need any help with financial planning, thank you very much, but I think that my problem is that I am terrified by the horrors of a corrupt, brain-dead Congress deficit-spending us into bankruptcy and a corrupt, brain-dead Federal Reserve creating so Incredibly Much Money (IMM) that an inflationary collapse is inevitable, and we will be reduced to eke out a subsistence living by eating weeds and bugs.

Well, in the middle of their rude hooting and making snide remarks about the adequacy of my mental processes and other of my various, although associated, personal faults and shortcomings, I heard, muffled yet distinct, the Federal Reserve Alarm (FRA) ringing in the Mogambo Big Beautiful Bunker (MBBB)! Something is up!

Abruptly springing to my feet, I sprinted outside to the bunker door, hurriedly threw it open and ran to the FRA to see what was (pant, pant) happening. My breath coming in ragged gasps, I was horrified to see that they had increased Fed Credit by a staggering $20.5 billion last week! Yikes!

And then, to add insult to injury, the Fed bought up $21.5 billion in US government securities last week, bailing out their slimy buddies, like banks and miscellaneous mortgage holders, and/or monetizing the insane increases in the national debt that Congress is running up, which, at last count, jumped by a hefty $42 billion last week, too!

Feeling suddenly dizzy and with a sense of pervasive doom, I feel something moving eerily around inside me, perhaps snacking on my liver, and I get the thought that I have the choice between being killed now, eaten alive by some alien creature from outer space, or die soon, eaten alive by zooming prices for consumer goods that will result from all of this unbelievable creation of money.

Perhaps it is lack of sleep causing my distress and my recurrent nightmares, or perhaps it is The Economist magazine’s “commodity-price index” that brings on such gruesome “We’re freaking doomed!” thoughts, as their Dollar Index shows the prices of “All items” up a blistering 32.2% over the last year, “Industrials (all)” up a whopping 82%, “Non-food agriculturals” up a staggering 90.1%, metals up a hefty 78.3%, which does not even get into how oil is up 76.8% from last year! Yow! Yow!

Or perhaps it was John Williams at shadowstats.com figuring that overall inflation in prices is running at a terrifying 9.5% that makes my hands tremble so, but whatever it is that is eating me (pun intended), at least I know that it is gold, silver and oil that will save me financially, while this pain inside me is probably just bottled up aggravation that will go away when the kids are old enough for me to legally kick them out.

And that, my friend, is when my gold, silver and oil will really, really come in handy! Whee!

The Mogambo Guru
for The Daily Reckoning

The Daily Reckoning