Mysterious Money Supply Discrepancies
Being an inveterate conspiracy theorist who is absolutely convinced that the government is full of morons, lunatics and traitors, not to mention legions of hired goons with badges, and who have, I maintain, been hovering above my house in an invisible helicopter to shoot thought-control rays into my brain all the time (zzzt!) so that now all I can hear is voices in my head urging me to “Burn! Burn everything!”
So, obviously, I already pretty much knew something was weird, and I was just looking for that crucial piece of evidence to prove it. That is when I read John Mauldin’s newsletter, FrontlineThoughts.com, where he wrote, “A broader measure of money is M2. Notice that it too has flat-lined for well over a year.”
Well, as a guy who charts M2 with figures from Barron’s, M2 does not look flat to me! It looks like M2 is rising, month to month, just as fast as it has since 2000!
And if I pull Barron’s out and look it up, they say that the latest weekly M2 money supply is registering at $8,529 billion, whereas last week it was $8,504 billion, and $8,315 billion at this time last year.
I will admit that the end-of-month (to the end of April) reading of M2 was $8,479 billion versus $8,512 last month, but it is versus $8,264 billion this time last year, too. So, I gotta ask, “What is going on here?
Immediately, my Powerful Mogambo Brain (PMB) sees the problem! Mr. Mauldin is using a chart supplied by the St. Louis Fed! Aha! All those years of delusional paranoid suspicion have honed my perceptual skills to a keen razor-sharpness, and I suddenly realize that now – after all these years! – I have the evidence of government cover-up!
This came at the perfect time for me, too! Now I am ready to prove my allegations that the Federal Reserve and the federal government are the two corrupt, low-IQ, irresponsible institutions that have destroyed us with their foul, infamous fiscal and monetary perfidies which, in this particular case, was when the government consistently, year after year, decade after decade, allowed the Federal Reserve to create all that excess money and credit to finance serial bubbles in stocks, bubbles in bonds, bubbles in housing and real estate, bubbles in size of a suffocating government, and a massive, gigantic, indescribably huge, stinking cancerous blob of derivatives, all masquerading as “economic growth.”
You should have seen the look on the judge’s face when I pulled out this evidence of a government conspiracy, and with a flourish, deposited it on his desk with an audible “thunk”!
Just to make sure this historic event was in the official record, I asked the court stenographer to read back the part where I deposited my evidence with an audible “thunk” whereupon he tells me that he does not make a record of sounds, which, after my asking a series of probing questions that were hard to ask because the judge was always interrupting by banging his stupid gavel and shouting for us to stop arguing, it turns out that the decision not to record sounds, like the aforementioned audible “thunk” for example, is not a hard-and-fast rule, but it was just his personal decision! No matter how important it is to my case!
Well, nevertheless, the judge angrily swept aside my damning evidence! He says that it has nothing to do with disturbing the peace, a trumped-up charge stemming from my innocently seeing this old woman and her grandson at the clothing store, and she was holding up a new shirt and pants against him and saying, “This will look really nice on you.”
The misunderstanding started when I helpfully told the kid, “Don’t listen to her, kid! Not unless she is smart enough to have accumulated gold, silver and oil in response to the Federal Reserve creating So Freaking Much (SFM) money so that the horrid Obama administration can spend So Freaking Much (SFM) money in an unprecedented, disgusting, monstrous orgy of welfare-state deficit-spending that will destroy us all!”
Well, the kid just stands there, apparently transfixed to the spot, staring at me with his mouth hanging open, and grandma here was trying to drag the kid away while furiously dialing 911 on her phone.
So I kindly said to the kid, “Go ahead! Ask her! Ask her if she has accumulated gold, silver and oil against the inflation in prices that will surely result from such monstrous increases in the world’s money supplies by Federal Reserve and the other moronic central banks of the world, which are doing the opposite of what the Austrian Business Cycle Theory says to do, which is to freaking stop making so freaking much money!”
By this time, she had almost dragged him into the Home & Housewares section of the store, and so I am not sure he heard me when I yelled out, “Ask her if she has gold and silver, kid! Then you’ll know how smart she is, and then you’ll know why she wants you to wear that stupid shirt and those ugly pants!”
Well, the rest of the story is about security guards and judicial procedural issues, which is why I will leave that for another day, and just say that the moral of the story is to “Buy gold, silver and oil right away” which all kind of rhymes, so you know it is true.
Whee! This investing stuff is easy!
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