The Truest Victims of the Economic Downturn

The Economist magazine said that in Britain, “The human cost of the recession is felt most keenly by the unemployed”, which makes sense in its own kind of way, although I am not sure I agree that “That cost, already high and rising, is steepest of all for young people who cannot find work. They are emerging as the prime victims of the slump”, which makes me laugh in a mean-spirited, nasty-yet-haughty way because at least these snot-nosed kids can go back home to good ol’ mom and dad, dragging their half-witted boyfriends and their two mutant little kids along with them.

How about the mom and dad? Are they not victims, too? Are they not also losing their jobs? Are they not also Up To Their Freaking Ears (UTTFE) in debt?

And what about me? Am I not also a victim, a guy who has to listen to them all whining and complaining about how I “don’t understand” how bad things are, and how I “can’t appreciate” the fullness of their suffering since they got laid off and now they can’t afford to pay their bills?

And don’t my feelings get hurt when I am rejected and attacked viciously, like when relatives get all upset because I laugh in their stupid faces at their pathetic pleas to loan them “a little more money” until they get “back on their feet”, which makes me laugh all the harder since these morons apparently do not even remotely comprehend the enormity of the phrase “We’re freaking doomed!”, a phrase which means (according to the latest edition of the Mogambo Big Book Of Economics Stuff (MBBOES)), “You are not going to ever ‘get back on your feet’, and in fact you are economically and financially on your back in the bottom of a hole, just waiting for somebody to start shoveling dirt in your face, as economic death has always befallen every country so stupid as to allow an unfettered creation of more and more fiat currency, especially a country as unbelievably stupid as the modern United States in allowing an unelected, shadowy, un-audited, secretive bunch of international power-broking thieves and useful idiots who call themselves the Federal Reserve to create so, so, So Damned Much (SDM) excess money and credit, over such a long period of time, that it spawned huge inflationary bubbles in stocks, bonds, houses, derivatives and (most importantly) size of government (e.g. federal, state and local governments collectively spend half of all money spent, half of all Americans receive a government check every month, 1 out of every 6 workers works directly for a government, which does not even count whole swaths of people who are not literally government employees, but who receive all (or most) of their income from taxpayers!), and persistent, simmering inflation in consumer prices, which is The Thing That Is Most Feared (TTTIMF), because when people can’t afford food and/or energy and they have to listen to their children crying and watch them dying from exposure and hunger, it’s Game Over, Player One (GOPO).”

And speaking of inflation, the news must be Pretty Damned Bad (PDB), because inflation in prices was up, despite losses from massive inventory liquidations at fire-sale prices across the board as retailers and wholesalers scale down in response to the increasing bankruptcy of heretofore profligate American consumers and the weird, bloated, cancerous, government-centric economy that they seem to love.

The Bad, Bad News (BBN) is that in spite of all of this drastic drop in demand and selling inventories at a loss, the latest annual, unadjusted official government-approved rate of inflation in consumer prices was up 0.9%! Hahaha! Prices that you pay never, ever seem to go down, or even stop going up, although the purpose of the Federal Reserve in giving them such unlimited, un-auditable power over our money was to get “stable prices”! Hahahaha!

And even the Producer Price Index was up a whopping 1.8% in One Freaking Month (OFM), too!

And then my sad-sack relatives get even MORE upset when I merely ask them, again trying to be helpful, “What happened to all the gold and silver that I kept telling you to buy all these years as a necessary defense against this Exact Freaking Thing (EFT), ya morons? Weren’t you listening when I warned you about the 100% historical record of the terrifying results of such staggering distortions of a big-government economy financed by creation of excessive amounts of money and credit, and how it was Absolutely Freaking Necessary (AFN) for you to buy gold, silver and oil?”

And speaking of victims, how about all the people who do not have incomes that increase with inflation? There are so many of these people, and their travails will be so difficult and heartbreaking, that these are the people who will soon be the winner of the Biggest Victim In History (BVIH) award, overtaking the previous record-holder (me!), when I was awarded the prize for being famously and unjustly accused of “underperformance” and “a perplexing lack of comprehension of what his actual job entails” whereupon I had to repeat that whole traumatizing “intern” thing again and go back to parking in the remote parking lot!

I explained to my boss that it only happened because my best employees keep whining and complaining and quitting on me, most of them threatening to sue me and the rest apparently vandalizing my lawn sprinkler, for some weird reason, instead of just shutting up and doing their stupid jobs, so that I could leave everything in their capable hands and leave work early a few lousy days per week so that I could go play some, you know, golf, or go get a few drinks and hangout with my hoodlum friends, or maybe just go home and watch TV so that I could get away from that boring, stupid job.

Fortunately, I spent some of that time not working to buy gold, silver and oil, and now it is just a matter of time before their rises in price release me – sweet, sweet freedom! – from the bondage of toil and responsibility, and hopefully before my next Annual Employee Evaluation!